Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
