12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
