Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
