I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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