i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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