My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize