I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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