Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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