I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
