Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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