Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
