so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
