Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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