So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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