Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
