I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
