he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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