and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
