Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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