She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
