Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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