i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize