Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
