there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
