if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize