I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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