The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
