I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
