R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's never too late to be topless.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
