i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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