She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
