I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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