There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize