Rock
Scissors
Fuck
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
