What a fucking waste of an outfit
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
