it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
