Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
