we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
