I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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