I need help removing her.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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