Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
