The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
