It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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