I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
