a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
