Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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