:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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