This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize