I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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