I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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