I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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