well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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