I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
