you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i think i just naturally attract stoners
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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