Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
