I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
