I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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