Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
