The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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