how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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