why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
