i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
