Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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