I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
