You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
the raccoons are back...
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