I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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