In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
