omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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