these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
