Do you still have your period?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
